


why don't you kiss me?

by anodizedmud (indiguus)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Not Beta Read, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:20:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24628465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiguus/pseuds/anodizedmud
Summary: In retrospect, the firefighter calendar was a bigger deal than Buck could have imagined.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 306





	1. own me

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** The characters are not mine and I do not make profits of any sort by writing what my active imagination has come up with.
> 
>  **prompt:** free day, author's choice
> 
> it feels like cheating a little but as i was writing this, it felt like this part deserved to be its own story rather than just a chapter.
> 
> this's basically an S2 AU where Eddie joins Station 6 and Buck gets to be on the firefighter calendar. and yes, i've fudged the timeline a bit to get what i want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if someone's told me i'd've written 9k of words within a week, i'd personally escort them to a psych eval. but then, this happened. well, there's still a bit more to come.

After months of hellish training and strict diet, Buck got into the best shape of his life. And more importantly, he got his spot on the LAFD firefighter calendar. Some might think it vain but he felt accomplished -- challenging himself and succeeding with discipline he didn't even know he was capable of. Nobody could take this victory away from him.

And Buck would have a calendar for proof. He is Mr December -- or Mr Hot Christmas as he would be referring to himself come this holiday season.

He was more than excited to say the least, especially on the date of the photoshoot. Everything in the studio was fascinating as Mags, the photographer's assistant, gave him a brief tour and a quick rundown of what his day would be like.

"We'll spend about two hours here in the studio getting some of your solo shots," she said leading him to the changing room, "then we'll head out to Station 6 to meet Mr July for some outdoor ones, and your part of the big group shot for the cover. They have a truck we can use there. Brad likes the golden hour."

"Only July and me?" Buck was a little surprised. Didn't Mags say something about the big group shot?

Mags chuckled, "Yeah, two for today. Scheduling is hell to try getting all twelve of you together. So it'll be a composite shot but don't worry, Meredith will make it look flawless."

There was nothing Buck could do except trusting Mags. He should probably also trust Meredith the photo editor who might have winked at him minutes ago.

* * *

Eddie Diaz, or Mr July, looked like he walked off a fashion runway and stepped into this firefighter calendar shot. It wasn't only the good looking face with perfect bone structure, but also the casual conviction radiating off of him. The ease he had following Brad the photographer's instructions made it look like he had been doing this for years.

The fact that Eddie was the newest probie of Station 6 who started a little over two weeks ago, was at odd with the way he asserted himself. Until Mags informed Buck that Eddie was an army medic with three tours under his belt.

So Buck hated Eddie just a little. Mostly Buck just wanted to be near Eddie and soak up some of that confidence for himself.

"Woah, did you get into trouble with snatching the calendar spot from your elders?" Buck asked when the crew was reseting the lights and reflectors.

Shaking his head in a quiet laugh, Eddie explained, "Not really. It's their tradition having the probie to tryout for the calendar. They're all very nice here. Me doing all the cleaning here is the limit of the hazing. It's an easy gig comparing to cleaning the barracks."

"Yeah, my crew was great too. They only tease me about my..." Buck mumbled through the end of that sentence hoping he wasn't heard.

"Sex addiction?" Clearly Eddie caught what Buck hoped he didn't.

"It was a phase."

"Clearly." Eddie agreed in a sarcastic tone.

"Jerk."

Buck found out that day striking poses under a photographer's directions wasn't as easy as Eddie made it seemed and was eternally grateful he picked firefighting instead of modeling. He also found a new friend, who he got to keep to himself.

* * *

They might share almost the exact same shift schedule, it took two weeks before Buck could lock Eddie down for a beer. The life of a single father wasn't easy and it took a while to line up their day off with Christopher's weekly sleepover at his great-grandmother's.

"You should've at least let me pay for the pizza," Eddie protested trying to be a good host.

Taking a sip of his beer, Buck disagreed, "You got the beer and this's your house, pizza is definitely on me."

"I'll get it next time," insisted Eddie.

"There will be a next time, if you aren't a clingy, crying drunk."

Eddie turned out to be a clumsy, giggly drunk much like Buck himself, except Eddie liked to play the air guitar when Buck preferred to strip and lip-sync _Eye of the Tiger_ whether the song was playing or not.

There was indeed a second pizza and beer night at Eddie's. Then a third. And then there was the earthquake.

* * *

Maybe Buck thought about his new friend a tad too frequently for it to be platonic. Eddie was as good on the inside as he was on the outside. It was only natural Buck would develop a crush.

It was a 7.1 earthquake. Buck was expecting a text from Eddie once the cell towers got fixed, with something like _You safe?_ , or _Bad day?_ , or maybe _I thought tornadoes were bad. I'm going back to Texas!_ But instead he got _`Hey sorry to bother you. Think I can get a ride to pick up Christopher?`_

As it turned out, Eddie had a bad day -- he narrowly escaped getting crushed by a loosen locker which was supposed to be fastened to the floor, a fallen tree impaled his pickup truck's driver seat through the windshield, and the worst of all he couldn't get in touch with his son's school the whole day because of the cell towers were down. Now late in the evening, he didn't want to make his aunt driving in case more aftershocks came. Buck was happy to help even the shift had been exhausting.

Eddie was nervously bouncing his leg from the moment he got into Buck's jeep until the moment he jumped out before it came to a complete stop outside of Chris' school.

 _Oh shit!_ was all Buck could think when Eddie rushed to pull Christopher into his arms. Because at that moment Buck knew it wasn't a simple crush.

* * *

Before there was a fourth time, there was a set up.

The gratefulness and open affection in Eddie's eyes directing at Buck, when Eddie realized Carla was there for Christopher as the literal cure to the bureaucratic headache that Eddie was suffering, took Buck's breaths away.

And further down this hole Buck fell.

* * *

When the fourth time came, Buck was more than ready for what he didn't ever dare daydream about.

It wouldn't turned out the way it did if Eddie wasn't stretching out his lean tight body in that loose tank top and that pair of clingy sweatpants, putting on display what Buck had been dreaming about since the photoshoot leaving little to anyone's imagination. That comment about how long it had been since Eddie last had someone else's hands on his person was the match that lit the bomb's fuse.

What was a man like Buck to do in a situation like this?

So one minute Eddie was musing on getting served divorce papers halfway through his third deployment and returning home with no worthy job skills on top of being a single father, then the next minute Buck was kneeling on the floor between Eddie's widespread legs with hands on Eddie's thighs, looking up at Eddie lounging on his own couch naked from the waist down.

Eddie's eyes were on Buck. There could be no mistaking what Buck was waiting for, with Eddie's half hard cock growing harder in anticipation by the second against his lower abdomen pulsating along with his heartbeat. With a toothy grin, Eddie nodded his approval and Buck dived into action without hesitating.

Buck kept his eyes on Eddie's. This not shying away from eye contact thing Eddie was doing sent a thrill through Buck with something like intimacy he wasn't expecting. Leaning his head down, he pushed his nose into Eddie's pubes drawing in a deep breath. A mixture of musk and soap filled Buck's senses sending him into a heady rush. Giving a slow lick from base to tip, he wanted to tease but couldn't find the patience in himself. This was the time to impress, to show off. To make Eddie want more.

Taking half of Eddie's cock into his mouth, Buck let it stay and grow to its full hardness before sliding further down. At two third of the way, Buck could feel his long forgotten gag reflex making itself known. _Ease into it,_ he reminded himself. He was admittedly out of practice but muscle memories would come back soon. So he pulled up to the head and twirled his tongue around the gland getting shivers from Eddie.

Eddie reached down with one hand at the back of Buck's skull, simply resting there not applying pressure. "Doing so good, Buck."

Basking in the praise given, Buck renewed his downward journey pushing down closer to Eddie's groin. Was Eddie bigger than Buck initially gauged? Or was Buck overconfident in his ability to deep throat? It didn't matter when Eddie was murmuring sweet nothing in an encouraging tone with pupils blown wide looking down at Buck as if he was precious.

"Yes, cariño, you doing real good."

Buck was a stubborn man. Eddie's cock was going whole into Buck's mouth no matter how long it took. He began lifting up, teasing the head, and pushing back down repeatedly, each time taking a little more down his throat. Soon his lips were sealed around the base, his saliva dripped down his chin, and his throat squeezing the head of Eddie's cock to the sound of Eddie's throaty moans. Buck's jaw started to ache knowing he would feel the soreness the next day. He would welcome it.

Buck didn't need to touch his own dick to know he had never been more hard in his entire life, because Eddie was watching Buck this entire time.

Tenderly, Eddie raised his other hand to stroke Buck's cheek.

Eddie's thigh muscles began to tense, as Buck alternated between pulling back to lap up the pre-come and sliding down to swallow around the head. Between one moment the next, Eddie's body shook violently once and then a second time, before coming down Buck's throat. Purely on instinct, Buck pulled off after the first couple of pulses and let Eddie finish off coming onto his cheek and neck.

Buck wanted to be marked. He wanted Eddie to see himself marking Buck.

Resting his head on the inside of Eddie's thigh with Eddie's spent cock still half hard against his cheek pulsing occasionally with rapidly cooling come slowly dripping down his chin while maintaining eye contact with Eddie was an intimacy like no other. Buck wouldn't give up anything for such more of this.

It didn't take long for Eddie to regain control of his limbs, and then Buck was dragged up onto the couch next to Eddie without preamble and got bodily arranged until Buck was half sitting on Eddie's lap. He would feel offended by Eddie's lack of post-orgasm lethargy but any thought was driven out of Buck's mind when Eddie unceremoniously unzipped Buck's jeans and shoved down his confining briefs letting Buck's cock spring free. The sudden relief of having Eddie's deft fingers wrapped around his dick making him whimper. Eddie's thumb rubbing over the swollen head, spreading pre-come while teasing the sensitive ridge.

"You really are a big boy, aren't you, Firehose?" Eddie purred low into Buck's ear, "So hard and so wet... Sucking cock turns you on, cariño?"

Eddie with his words and his hand were pushing him closer. Buck liked giving head and he liked it more when he was being admired while doing it. He was close but he wanted be good and hold on a little longer. He would let Eddie take control of his body, indulge in the temporary possession to amplify the forthcoming orgasm. He wanted to be good for Eddie even if Eddie didn't know just yet.

"Are you waiting for my permission to come?"

Buck was vibrating. He was full body vibrating from the build-up for the past half hour, or maybe even from when they first met. How did Eddie find out his secret? How did Eddie see right through him? Eddie's other hand slipped around his shoulder pulling him close, holding Buck's body tight against his own. Eddie's grip on his cock was on the good side of being too tight, pushing Buck right up to the brink but wouldn't let him fall over.

Eddie nosed down along Buck's neck, his stubble sending tingles down Buck's spine. It would only take a stroke, maybe two, and Buck would be pushed over into bliss. But Eddie's hand was firm and still maintaining pressure around Buck's cock, keeping him on the edge, teetering.

"How you like a little pain?" Without waiting for Buck's response, Eddie bit down at the juncture where Buck's neck met shoulder.

Buck felt his cock throbbed right before he blacked out.


	2. love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11k in less than a week. it was a record for me cos it was basically 8 times of what i wrote in word count last year. i'mma go into my hibernation cave now.

When Buck returned to his senses, he was naked as the day he was born and Eddie was cleaning him up with a warm washcloth. Buck might feel embarrassed for blacking out from a powerful orgasm when he touched down back to reality, but at that moment he was floating too high to care.

Buck probably made a sound because Eddie promptly looked up at him with a dopey grin. "Welcome back to the living."

In response, Buck groaned in mock annoyance. He tried leaning forward to Eddie for a kiss but Eddie smoothly backed out of reach. Puzzled, Buck blinked, "What? No kiss?"

"I... I--" Eddie uncharacteristically stammered. Buck briefly wondered if Eddie was okay with his dick down another man's throat or maybe up an man's ass but drew his line at kissing another man on the mouth. He didn't think Eddie would be one of those, but he could be wrong. He had experience making similar mistakes before.

Sighing, Eddie looked away as he tried, "Buck, listen, I should've told you before this. I can't date." He paused to take a breath. "I need to focus on Chris for now and it isn't fair to date someone when I can't give them the time they deserve."

It sounded reasonable but somehow Buck felt like there was a big gapping hole in Eddie's logic somewhere, one which Buck's current endorphin flooded brain couldn't quite figure out where just yet. Dating Eddie? Not that it wouldn't be great but Buck wasn't even thinking that. He just wanted a little kissing to go with the amazing sex, to prolong this natural high a little longer, to feel like he was wanted. To feel like Eddie wanted him even if only in the physical sense. But this conversation sent Buck crashing down into reality like a snapped rubber band pulled beyond its limit.

The biggest problem was despite Eddie's weak reasoning, Buck knew he was being sincere.

"How about friends with benefits? Can you handle that? With no kissing?" Buck ventured. Now that he got a taste and of course he wanted more. Maybe Eddie would came around this no kissing thing down the road, while Buck reaped the benefits of some great sex.

When Eddie looked back at Buck he was obviously shocked at the suggestion, but he recovered quickly with a careful smile, "I'll take being friends, even if you withhold the benefits."

* * *

Eddie was in fact sincere about the part of being friends. Buck got invited to outings with Chris, lunch with Tia, and dinner at Abuela's. Of course there was also pizza and beer while Chris spent his nights with Abuela, but they didn't always end up having sex. Friends, first and foremost, just as Eddie claimed.

Buck thought he was happy. He certainly was more than satisfied when he got almost bent in half with his legs spread so wide the he was verging on doing an assisted split with his legs up in the air, when he raised a hand to stop getting his head banged into the wall behind, when he bit on his other fist to avoid receiving neighbors' noise complaints with his screams of pleasure, while he was getting fucked through the mattress.

The most damning thing was Eddie knew Buck's limits. He got pushed to the edge but never over. This feeling of trust and safety surrounded them. It was most evident when Eddie held him close and they joked about inconsequential things afterwards. Buck might not have much experience on proper dating, but he could say for certain this wasn't the usual fuck buddy behaviors. Because kissing wasn't the only way to express intimacy and care, and Eddie was doing everything else except kissing Buck.

Buck felt frustrated.

Then, he met Thomas and Mitchell.

* * *

Ali was nice and Buck liked her.

Ali wasn't Eddie, but she was what Buck wanted -- an intimate partner who could give Buck the proper intimacy he craved.

Eddie offered more than physical intimacy, sadly it wasn't in the right form. Buck needed to take care of himself, to find and build a life he wanted most like Thomas and Mitchell did. And Ali could be that for him, building something on this filmsy foundation of mutual fondness.

Eddie meant it when he said he was happy for Buck, he supported Buck start dating again after Abby, and he assured Buck would continue to be his favorite after Chris. It would be like nothing had changed, Eddie confirmed, except for all the fucking. His quick and easy acceptance felt like a slap in Buck's face though.

What was Buck thinking? That Eddie would regret not going further with Buck when Buck announced he was dating Ali? That Eddie would grovel for them to continue with the benefits part of their friendship? Buck was a hopeful kind of person, but he wasn't delusional. Was Buck ever feel like more than a friend to Eddie? Did Eddie ever not have a moment wondering what it would be like to have Buck as a romantic partner? Did that thought ever cross Eddie's mind when he was balls deep inside letting Buck ride him on the couch until they were both drenched in sweats and Buck came messily all over their chests and stomachs with Eddie's teeth sinking into Buck's pecs?

Buck wanted to know but he also didn't. The answer might break him.

* * *

Eddie was wearing his usual henley with hands shoved down his pockets at Buck's apartment door when he finally allowed himself to leave Maddie's hospital bedside and get home for a shower then maybe a nap. Buck quietly let them inside about to ask how long Eddie's been standing out there, but Eddie was hugging him tight before the door was even closed.

"I'm sorry, Buck. I should've been there to help you with your sister." As Eddie's words sank in, Buck sagged against his friend. The adrenaline that had been keeping him on his feet since Maddie got kidnapped bled out of him in the blink of an eye.

Eddie was strong enough to hold Buck up for Buck didn't know how long. Eddie was just there. For the first time since they stopped having sex, Buck was truly grateful Eddie was his friend, first and foremost.

So Buck tried to be there for Eddie not too long after that, sitting quietly nearby, as Eddie read Shannon's letter for Chris on the beach.

* * *

Pain.

Buck didn't know pain could be like a rollercoaster and he wasn't planning on finding out. All he knew was he was in a lot of it to the point he felt numb. He couldn't focus to see what was going on, to him it was just people shaped blurs walking around shouting incomprehensible things. The flashing lights were bothering him a bit until the pressure on his leg was lifted momentarily letting more pain flood through his body drowning out everything. He thought the pain level was at the ceiling but then with a metal creaking sound and the pressure on his leg was back with pain rocketing through the roof overtaking his every sense.

Passing out would be a mercy he wasn't granted, until much later when he was rolled into the operating room.

Waking up later with a titanium rod in his leg wasn't a death sentence, unlike the doubt whether he could ever work again was. His doctor tried to distract him with the talk of thankful to be alive, and so did Maddie, Carla, Ali, Chim, and Hen. Bobby was more reserved and his stoic expression couldn't quite make it convincing. And Buck wanted to see Eddie, not that Eddie could be any more reassuring at this point.

They pumped him up with enough meds to hold most of the pain at bay, till it was nothing but a low constant background sensation of getting poked by needles. He would like to ask for the really good stuff -- the kind that made the passing of time a hazy afterthought, strong enough to stop this suffocating uncertainty of losing his identity.

And Ali couldn't wait for him to be back on his feet before leaving and never coming back, because she couldn't handle the stress of dating a firefighter, as if back to being a firefighter was a done deal for him.

It was an entire different kind of pain no meds was able to dull.

* * *

Waking up from another fitful sleep, Buck recognized Eddie's profile staring at the muted TV in the chair by the bedside.

"We saw it on TV at the station." Eddie broke the silence, likely alerted to Buck waking up by the change in his breathing pattern. "I-- Captain Nash said I can sit with you until your sister come."

"I'm a little fuzzy on the details. You probably know more than I do." Honestly, Buck felt like he wouldn't mind not remembering this one.

"I--" Eddie nodded. "It was a good thing I wasn't there. I'm not sure what I would've done to that Freddie kid."

"You wouldn't have done anything, Eddie." with the mention of his name Eddie finally turned to look directly at Buck, as he continued, "You may try to stop him but you wouldn't hurt anyone, not even him. You're built to help, Eddie. That much I know."

Eddie broke out a wet chuckle. "How are you reassuring me when you're the one in the hospital bed?"

"I'm good like that," Buck retorted. He would shrug in nonchalance if it wouldn't jostled his leg.

"Yeah," nodding again, Eddie concurred without fanfare. "You're good at a lot of things."

"Apparently not good enough to stay for." Buck let it slipped, a little bitter.

Eddie looked taken aback, whether from the sudden announcement or Buck's self-disparaging tone, Buck wasn't sure.

"I'd stay." The declaration was quiet but firm like steel. The _even when you're done with me_ part was clear with the fire in Eddie's eyes as he held his gaze with Buck.

And Buck realized from Eddie's point of view, Buck moved on with Ali. Buck was the one decided he was done with their mutual arrangement. Buck was the one who took himself out of the equation, even if he didn't want to. And Eddie stayed by Buck regardless.

"No, Eddie--"

"It's not your fault, Buck," Eddie interrupted. "I wasn't ready for what you were offering. It's on me, not you."

"But, Eddie--"

"Don't you dare apologize for my fault."

Buck fell silent. Was Eddie admitting he wanted more with Buck? The question was burning to burst out of his mouth.

"When you get out of here, would you let me take you out?" There was the answer to Buck's unvoiced question and it was everything he wanted since the calendar photoshoot.

But Buck was a little shit at the best of time. "Do you mean as a date? Because I've been getting this hitman vibe from you since the start."

"Yes, a date, jackass."

Buck's face felt strange as he smiled for real the first time after getting crushed. Returning to his job was still a distant question but with Eddie there, Buck could breathe a little easier knowing he wouldn't be alone in facing the fate. Then he looked down at the cast on his leg wondering how long he would need to wait for that said date.

"You know, Captain Nash invited me to join 118 before my academy graduation," Eddie broke Buck's pondering.

Buck slid his eyes from his leg back to Eddie, curious at the change of subject. "He did?"

Eddie nodded, looking away from Buck as he confirmed, "I can't remember why I picked Station 6 instead, but I'm glad I did."

"What? You don't want to work with me?" Buck pulled out his most childish, most exaggerated pout. From the way the corner of Eddie's mouth lifted, he knew exactly what Buck was doing.

"I-- I don't want to ever need to choose between staying with you and going home to Christopher. I can't."

Eddie's confession was quiet, though with nothing but the beeping of the heart rate monitor to fill the room, it rang loud in Buck's ears. There was always the chance of large fires or natural disasters like the earthquake where they would work together. Buck thought it might not be the best time to remind Eddie of that fact.

"You should always choose Chris," Buck answered the non-question just as quietly, trying to force as much fervor he could manage into his words.

Eddie finally looked up, "But--"

"No buts, Eddie. Chris is always the priority, yours and mine."

Holding his eye contact with Buck, Eddie acquiesced. "Chris first."

A comfortable silence fell after that as they did nothing but looking at each other with matching satisfied smiles until Eddie's eyes drifted down to Buck's lips and Buck swallowed.

"Can I kiss you now?" Eddie asked.

They were on the same page, at the same time. Buck simply leaned towards Eddie in lieu of an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are the food of this starved writer's soul. feeeeeeeeeeed me!


End file.
